The Power of Touch

Years ago I supervised a children's camp for my local church. There was one little girl at the camp who spent most of the time in trouble. She was grumpy, pouting and picking fights with the other children most of the time. She would randomly lose her temper and begin tossing chairs, hitting and trying to run away. When you spoke to her she would keep moving and making noise so she couldn't/wouldn't hear...until you touched her. One hand placed gently upon her shoulder would still the wild beast within. Suddenly she stopped and began to breath. As long as someone's hand was on her arm, head, shoulder, back or holding her hand she was calm and could listen. It was as if she were two different girls. The only difference was touch. Touch reconnected her with her surroundings. It met a silent cry for attention and affection. It told her she was seen, heard and valued.

 I now know the little girl was a RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) child. RAD children failed to bond with a significant adult (parent, older sibling, grandparent, guardian) as a baby and this actually alters the brain's healthy formation required for relating to others. There has been much research done and more happening even now that proves this. RAD often occurs among orphans, children of abusive, dysfunctional homes, children parented by mentally ill, addicted or unstable parents. In a world where many parents no longer know how to parent, it is a growing problem. It's too easy to put the baby in a crib with a bottle and walk away. What does a baby do when he or she wants to be picked up, changed, or fed? The baby cries and becomes more hysterical by the moment until someone finally responds. A RAD child never moves past this stage, even when words are developed. The child's emotions are stunted and they often continue to respond to life as an infant or toddler. Fits of rage, emotional outbursts, and physical violence or response. In the midst of their cry, it's amazing what a touch will do!

A baby needs touch. They need to feel skin-against-skin. They need to feel connection. This creates a bond between them and their parents and also develops a sense of safety and security. Children who are cuddled much know they are loved and wanted, even when words are absent. As pastors, parents, and teachers we bring God's touch to the next generation. We are "Jesus with skin on" to them. They experience His love through us. Many of the children we minister to are touch-deprived and struggling. They have assorted behavior issues that make parenting and teaching extremely difficult. The first step in bringing change is healthy touch. Put your hand on their shoulder and pat their little heads. Hold their hands and give their arm a tiny squeeze. Hug them. Hold them. Cherish them. Watch what love will do to change their behavior.

When children act out, our first response is often frustration and discipline. What if our first response was love??? Let's see what love can do...

Serving Jesus, Carla Ives HCI Founder